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The Meg (2018)

The Meg

Of all the creatures kids can relate to, The Meg is not one of them.

I don’t know how many movies have tried to replicate Jaws since it was released over four decades ago, but it is pretty much not possible to find anyone who thinks any of those were better than the Spielberg masterpiece. Now, in 2018, we have The Meg, which I decided to write the review for not only to tell you how bad it is, but because it is so forgettable I may have forgotten to write about it.

It is not too hard to imagine the planning behind this movie: basically say that the long extinct Megalodon (which some do think still exists) comes back to terrorize anything in the deep of the ocean. It is actually there where the movie begins, as a research facility has discovered that the ocean floor is really just a layer of…um, ok, I forgot. Basically, the ocean is deeper than previously thought, so the scientists go down even deeper before they are attacked by an unknown giant being (no points for knowing who it is).

They decide to call in Jonas Taylor (who acts a lot like Jason Statham), who lost friends down there before but needs to be called in years after the incident because his ex-wife Lori (Jessica McNamee) is among the crew. It takes the first third of the movie (give or take) for this rescue to occur, before the characters even realize the Megalodon is still alive.

We also get the head of the station Zhang (Winston Chao) as well as his daughter Suyin (Bingbing Li). Suyin’s daughter Meiying (Shuya Sophia Cai) is the smartest character in the movie, which is not really a surprise, since all children are smarter than most of the adults in these movies. Others include talents like Cliff Curtis and Rainn (Dwight Schrute) Wilson that round out this chum bucket flick.

The shark effects, thankfully, are not too terrible. There are some rather wonderful images of what looks like a truly terrifying giant shark. It is only in the last twenty minutes or so that the film actually starts to possibly get interesting, but all hope was lost like bait on a hook.

Parents, the film will probably scare kids, but middle school and above is okay. Nothing sexual or anything, but if your kids see this before seeing Jaws, you should be ashamed.

Will I remember this movie? If I do, not for any good reasons. The biggest bit of entertainment came at one jump scare (which involved a whale) that let out a great exclamation of some kind a few rows behind me. That this was more entertaining than the movie as a whole should show the filmmakers needed a bigger boat.

Okay, I feel this review was kind of lazily written, but so was the movie.

Overall: One Star *

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