Jupiter Ascending (2015)


Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis in “Jupiter Ascending”.

I remember back when The Matrix came out, and (after having to see it twice, since I was a little young to comprehend what the heck was happening) thinking it was awesome. And while I did enjoy the second film (I never saw the third), the only other thing I think the Wachowskis did worth seeing was V for Vendetta (I will always remember  remember the fifth of November).

However, there is a big crash known as Jupiter Ascending. It is one of the most confusing movies I have seen recently, but, unlike in The Matrix, I do not have the desire to go back to find out what it was about. Any movie is in trouble when you want to play on you mobile device over watching it.

I will try to see what I can put together. The movie starts out when Jupiter (Mila Kunis) is telling about how her father was murdered right before she was born (and just after he decides to name her after the planet). She, along with her Russian (I think) family cleaning houses (she is stuck to bathroom duty). We then meet Caine (Channing Tatum), some form of space warrior who is sent to protect Jupiter because we find out she is meant to be the Queen of Earth (she also apparently can handle bees well because, you know, they sense her Queenyness. Yeah, I evented a word).

There is also one of Caine’s friends, Stinger (the always present Sean Bean). We find out that Earth is to be “harvested” by an evil Abrasax family. There is the mother Kalique (Tuppence Middleton) and one of her sons Titus (Douglas Booth). However, it is her other son, Balem, who is the main bad guy. He is played by recent Oscar Winner Eddie Redmayne, who I still think is a great actor. I say this because his performance in this film absolutly stunk, and made no sense. He, like the film, was trying to be original, and failed miserably.

Another problem with the film is Mila Kunis. She is a good, likable actor, but her character is not even worth mentioning in the same sentence as female heroines such as Sarah Connor, Ellen Ripely, even Nintendo’s Samus Aran. Jupiter lacks any toughness, or spark, and humor.

Parents, the film has one scene where a (minor) character is in her underwear, but that is it. There is also some swearing, a little action, and some kissing. There is not, however, any real character development, good action, or, worst of all, entertaining content.


Overall: One Star *