The 10 Worst Films of 2017

Worst of 2017

The only reason these films are not on the list is that I was spared seeing them…

I am still waiting on a few movies to see before I can list my top ten movies of 2017, but I am more than ready to list the pieces of trash (trash being the most polite word I can think of) of the past year. Movies in the collage above are not going to be mentioned, only because I did not see them.

 

That being said, here comes the reminder of the pains I went through the past year…

 

10.

The Shack

Despite having a nice message, The Shack falls in so many ways that it sadly becomes another forgettable Christian movie. Also, I still don’t see how you can see the title and not think it is a horror film.

 

9.

The Space Between Us

I had hopes for The Space Between us, but was disappointed. Despite nice acting and chemistry between the young leads, the story goes nowhere and we are left wishing Butterfield and Robertson were in another movie.

 

 

8.

The Emoji Movie

 

Every now and then, I feel a little sorry for The Emoji Movie, which was not as hated by me as most of the rest of the human race (even by those who did not see it). Then my mind remembers how bland and boring the film was. And the absolute worst humor imaginable.

 

7.

Split

 

Lousy M. Night, making me almost hopeful that he may be going back to good movie making. At the end, Split is still an utter failure, with premises that I found completely ridiculous.

 

6.

Roland (Idris Elba) in Columbia Pictures' THE DARK TOWER.

 

While watching The Dark Tower, you get a sense that this movie had so much promise, but that every decision made behind camera was the wrong one. I never read the book series (by Stephen King), but I feel that doing so will give me more reason to hate the film.

 

5.

Transformers

Tranformers: The Last Knight. It is a Transformers movie. That alone should be enough explanation.

 

4.

POTCDMTNT

Remember when the Pirates of the Caribbean movies where fresh, new, and exciting? Well, if they make more sequels like Dead Men Tell No Tales, I will forget why I liked the first film at all to begin with.

 

3.Life

 

A solid cast and some neat special effects cannot stop Life from being a rip off of the original Alien, or from having one of the worst end twists I have seen in my life.

 

2.

The Snowman

If you look up all the people associated with The Snowman, you will be as confused as I am. Confused not just at the plot, but at how all these people could make a film the equivalent of eating yellow snow.

 

1.

frozenolaf

 

It may have been a Disney animated “short” (yeah, those quotation marks are as important as ever), but I have seldom felt more anger (even hatred) towards a movie screen than when I had to sit through Olaf’s Frozen Adventure. Sure, Disney pulled the film (which was followed by the far more superior Coco) a few weeks later, but those of us who saw it were left with one of the most excruciating experiences that we are still not sure is over yet. No one asked for this film to be in a theater, and I predict it will have the same future that was given to The Star Wars Christmas Special back in the 1970s.

The Dark Tower (2017)

The Dark Tower

Idris Elba is the last of the gunslingers fighting to protect “The Dark Tower”.

When the credits began to roll at the end of The Dark Tower, I found myself eager to start reading the books. Sadly, it was not because the movie intrigued me (far from it). Instead, I need now to know if, during the process from page to screen, something was lost in translation (if not much more).

I can safely assume the book has valuable source material (I mean, it is Stephen King we are talking about), so how can a movie like The Dark Tower crumble so? First off, I could hardly accept Matthew McConaughey (undoubtably talented) as Walter (or, as he is known, the man in black). It is true that a lot of villains need a certain “charm” (think of Tom Hiddleston’s Loki in the MCU), but the notes don’t strike the right tone for McConaughey. He is just too likable a guy, I think. His Walter is out to destroy The Dark Tower, which will allow monsters into the universe. The only thing standing in his way (along with his almost superfluous team of…I will just call them geeks for the sake of time) is the last gunslinger, Roland (Idris Elba). Roland is able to fend off Walter’s magic (unlike Roland’s father, a small part played by big talent Dennis Haysbert), and also stumbles upon a new player, the young Jake (Tom Taylor). Jake is having dreams of the gunslinger and the man in black, but his mom (Katheryn Winnick) and step dad (Nicholas Pauling) feel he is just losing it after the death of his father.

Any movie that is adapted from other written material always has two audiences to play to: those that have experienced the written work, and those that haven’t. Perhaps the biggest mistake that The Dark Tower makes is that it focuses more on the former audience members and not the latter ones. Movies are always better at entertaining than they are informing us. In the case of The Dark Tower, it has neither going for it.

Parents, there are some parts of violence and swearing (no sex or nudity), so I would say middle school and up would be ok.

I walked away feeling sorry for those who made the movie, from director Nikolaj Arcel and young star Tom Taylor (who does seem to do ok as a young actor) to screenwriter Akiva Goldsman (who has done worse…cough, Batman & Robin!, cough!) Still, I feel the audience deserves the most of the apologies, because they could have seen something new and exciting, but got something bland, convoluted, and uninspired.

 

Overall: One and a Half Stars * 1/2